I'd just like to start off by saying that I am completely in love with this community and how much it has helped me understand my own experiences with psychedelics, as well as the experiences of others. This is my first post and I'll do my best to be as descriptive and open as possible.
My first heroic dose occurred about a month ago. I had been reading up on the experiences of others, like Terence McKenna and the more well known psychedelic content creators on YouTube. My previous experiences with mushrooms had all been below 3 grams. This time I was stepping it up to 6 grams. I felt like I had a solid understanding of what I was getting myself into and that I had prepared as well as I could. All I can say is that I was completely wrong.
I started eating the mushrooms around 7 PM as I sat in my brother's room. I was already feeling extreme anxiety (as I do every time I take psychedelics) and waited for the onslaught of what was about to occur. It only took about 30 minutes to notice some of the effects kicking in. I started to notice black lines running all throughout my brother's ceiling. I was convinced that these lines were actually present. My brother quickly reassured me that the lines were not visible.
Around 1-2 hours in, it started to feel like my normal experiences with mushrooms. I was somewhat disappointed and was feeling like I wasn't going to peak much more. I walked back to my room, packed a bowl of weed and sat in the candlelight by myself. Almost immediately after I inhaled the hit, the room around me started to warp, almost like I was looking through a fish eye lens.
I had planned to take McKenna's word and dive into the darkness. I blew out the candle and covered my head with a blanket to keep any possible light out of my vision. In an instant I was blasted into geometric landscapes, unlike anything I have ever seen before. I remember saying to myself "holy shit" as tears streamed down my face. I came across a majestic orb, spinning, sparkling and flashing colors like a Vegas casino. It was truly the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed in my life.
I was so shocked by what I had just experienced and had a strong urge to talk to my brother about what I saw. That was probably the biggest mistake I could've made. As I was leaving my room, I remember the light coming through the cracks of my door. It looked as if I was entering a door to heaven. The world around me felt like it had completely changed. My brother's face looked like it was completely separate from the rest of his body, my vision started to overlap, I stared down my hallway into the darkness and saw it repeat endlessly.
At this point I was having a hard time grasping reality. I felt as if I had broken my mind and there was no going back. I had found a glitch in the matrix, I broke the simulation.
From this point on I was dealing with extreme paranoia and anxiety. Anything anyone said to me was a lie. I was desperately trying to ground myself by talking to the people I love but nothing was helping. I ended up sitting with my brother, almost completely silent, battling with myself in my head.
The experience itself was utterly terrifying and often gives me anxiety when thinking back on it. I was never a believer in true hallucinations and I strongly believe that the things I was seeing shook my belief system so much that it sent me into a state of panic.
A lot of people would consider this a bad trip and in a way it was. Personally, I am not a believer of bad trips. Even after this experience, I can reflect on it and see that it gave me a very positive outlook on life. Before, I disregarded any spirituality or religion. Now, I am more open to religion and even partake in spiritual practices. I have gathered a huge appreciation for nature and the human mind. I've even dedicated myself to reattempt school, studying psychology, so that I can expand on my overwhelming interest in the mind and potentially help others.
The things I saw revealed to me a world of unimaginative power. I can't say whether these worlds are real or just figments of our imagination, but I cannot doubt that these worlds and experiences change your life forever. Whether it is positive or negative depends on your own willpower.